if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
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