Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
