I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize