so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
