her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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