everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
