thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
