If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
