She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
