How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
