Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
