So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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