i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
