I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I will pee on everything he values.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
