so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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