and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize