i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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