the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
