never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
