He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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