based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
