what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
