I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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