we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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