a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I wish there were birth control emojis
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
