there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
