kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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