In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
