can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
