I wish I only lived at night.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
