I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
