I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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