you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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