i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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