Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
