I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize