Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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