I am spending my child support on dildos
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
