absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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