Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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