I am puke
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
