I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
