His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
