i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
