Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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