I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
