I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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