Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
