your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just gift wrapped bread.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
