Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
