I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
