did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
There are leaves in my underwear?
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