I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize