I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you didnt know i had herpes?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So much rum. So many feels.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
