Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
