it wasn't lemon gatorade
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
