I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
