I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
