all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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