Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
