I wish I could teleport
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
