I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
so much tequila, so little girl.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
