Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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