What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
