38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
