Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
