How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The beer is more important than you right now.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
