Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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